02 February 2011
Communication can either make or break your deployment experience, and it's all up to you.
No pressure right?
There are all sorts of theories, like, don't tell him what's bothering you, he's got enough going on.
Yeah. Good luck with that. I suggest you talk to him about your day as if he was home. It'll make him feel like you still want to involve him in your daily life, and not like you've forgotten about him. But you also wont resent him for not being the best friend and shoulder that a spouse is naturally supposed to be.
Being deployed doesn't make them any less of a husband and your husband should be your best friend, overseas or not.
Bottling things is a good way to piss off everyone you know.
Us women think we're clever, but lets face it, we can be read like a book. If something's bothering us, we're pretty awful about hiding it. Whether we're talking with our teeth closed, getting irritated at things we really shouldn't, or just being generally impatient.
The one thing your service member will not have the patience for, is going to be an attitude.
If you bottle things up, at some point you're going to explode, and there's a good chance it's going to be at the wrong person (your loved one) at the wrong time. And that's not fair. They are our shoulder, not our punching bag. Though I'm well aware, those can be easily mixed up at times.
Another theory is that you should sit at your computer waiting for any and every chance to communicate, just in case it's for the last time.
While it's a great thought, and probably works for many or for a while, it's not really ideal. Yes, keep your phone with you, yes answer every email, IM, phone call, but if when you're talkign, you run out of things to say to one another, tell him you think he should go have some guy time, or take a nap, he may appreciate your understanding that while you are a major part of his world, that everyone needs breaks, even if it's a communication break for a few hours.
Plenty of us make the mistake of talking any and every time we can because of the guilt we're afraid of if we don't, that we end up bickering about nothing just to keep them on the phone or the computer, which never leads to anything but a river of tears and regret later down the line.
It's not easy dealing with deployment fights, so avoid them at all costs.
But they're going to happen so don't beat yourself up when they do.
Lastly, deployments are over-romanticized by the media and by assholes trying to one-up one another.
Deployment sucks, there's a reason you're on this website. They're not going to be romantic and lovey-dovey, and send you flowers, and say all the right things all the time. As a matter of fact, there are going to be a lot of times where you get off the phone or computer and go "damn....that sucks" and it'll be the mere fact that you didn't get that emotional firework that you were looking for. It's okay. there aree going to be a ton of boring an un-special conversations, we can't avoid them.
Don't compare him to the other guys writing poems, and showring their wives and girlfriends with gifts and flowers, I'm sure they have problems of their own. And frankly, after a while it stops being special.
We have to remind ourselves to be thankful for everything we DO have.
We DO have someone to miss.
We DO have someone to be proud of.
We DO have the internet and phones to keep in touch.
We DO have R&R.
We have so much to be thankful for, so remember that.
And stay positive whenever you can, and when you can't, let life knock you on your ass, brush yourself up, and give it the bird.