03 February 2011
It's a little thing that happens 98% more often when dealing with deployment.
There you are, in such a good mood, thinking about how lucky you are to be in love with such a wonderful man, you can't wait until he gets online so you can gush your love to him and BAM, one word answers. BAM taking things to wrong way. BAM dumbest argument ever recorded in human history. BAM making you feel like a douche.
Cue the waterworks, the signing off, and signing back on. The hanging up, the nasty words. The bickering back and forth.
And then the next time you talk it's like nothing happened.
Let me let you in on a secret. Men PMS more than women do, they just like to have theirs coincide with our own so they can conveniently blame it on ours. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it)
On a serious note, you're going to go into relationship funks. You're going to think all hope is lost. You're going to wonder what happened to the man you love and if you can return this one in for a newer shiny model, more so like the one you had before he left. BUT - you will. The funk will end, and acknowledging that funks will happen, will help you prepare.
Here's how you do it: Pride is a useless emotion during a deployment. Who gives a damn who's right. Get out of the argument as soon as possible so you can both move on to happier things. He's going to say some things that are going to hurt your feelings, if he does...make up an excuse to get offline. Hey the baby is crying, I have a hair appointment, the internet is messing up, the stove is on fire, your play station just spontaneously combusted. Anything to put the conversation on hold. Nothing is going to get anywhere. He's hot, he's tired, he's hungry. That equals a pretty shitty day, and when they have bad days, you're probably going to know.
Space and time can fix almost anything. A lot of things that hurt the most are said long after you both should've stopped talking. It's your job to catch that. They're in a war zone, they're going to take things out on you, that's just the way it is. Not all the time, but it's going to happen, and it's going to suck really really bad but it's going to get better. If you still love him as hurt as you can be, he absolutely still loves you regardless of harsh he can come off.
This is a dash of taking the high road, and remembering that everything is temporary. If it didn't happen before he left, it's probably not going to happen once he gets home. Test your patience, impress yourself, and allow yourself to grow.