Week 9

Hello fellow bloggers!

Recently I discovered how much deployment sucks. Like really, really, really sucks. More than I had thought it would--which is crazy because I thought I was preparing myself for the worst.

My husband has been in Afghanistan for about 9 weeks now. During week 4 he was injured in an IED explosion and had been in the Warrior Recovery Center which meant that we spent a lot of time talking--he had a computer, access to a phone, etc., so he had lots of time to talk. We talked about twice a day, every day. It was nice. There were fights since we were still figuring out what fights were worth having and which weren't (newsflash: no fights are worth having.. hah), but they were quick to end.

But now he's back in the field, which means long periods of time without communication and huge amounts of anxiety and stress that he's going to get injured again. His company has been taking tons of contact and there have been kind of crazy numbers of injuries and deaths, so I've been pretty panicked every time I don't hear from him when I expect to--something I need to get used to again.

And we've now had the biggest series of fights we've ever had. The panicked crying from me and the angry "what the hell do you want me to do" from him. I never thought that WE would come to that, but I guess no one ever does, do they? An article on this website said a lot of it (the "How Helpless Tastes" article)... I'm just being a bitch and he's responding to it by getting angry. I feel like he owes me for sticking by him or for all the love and energy I'm exerting into this relationship and not feeling like he is giving any back. I'm just being unfair. And he's responding by being mean. Sounds healthy, right?

So now's the time to change things around, but I could definitely use any advice that any of you lovely ladies have. I don't exactly know what to do besides decide that I need to become a model of positivity. No more complaining or whining, but time for me to be the person that I am. Strong, independent, and (relatively) fearless. I'm ready to be the agent of my own change. Here we go.