Deployment Rule #7 - Pick your battles but stand your ground.

Print
PDF

Written by Administrator | 27 March 2013

Any time two people are in love, they're going to argue. Whether it's about finances, sex, or the kids, there will be disagreements. Being thousands of miles apart from one another certainly doesn't make them any easier.

Healthy communication has a lot of factors. Patience, tone, effort, time, etc.

Before you get into an argument, ask yourself whether what they were doing was done in an effort to hurt your feelings. If yes, absolutely pursue it. People in love do not seek to hurt their partners and you deserve more respect than that. If no, think about whether it's worth the hassle.

When you do get into an argument, try to stay on point. Don't bring up anything from previous arguments, don't name call, don't try to gain leverage. It's not a contest.

Think of the desired outcome before putting anything into the argument. The argument will never end until you know at what point you will be satisfied.

Listen. We're not always right. As much as we want to be right, sometimes we're just not. Listen to how the other side feels and take into consideration their thoughts and feelings, as you would want them to do to yours.

And most importantly, don't accept less respect than you deserve. Too often we back down because we feel guilty. They're gone, they're in a war, they're stressed. All of that is true, but YOU are still their wife, fiance, girlfriend, etc. and you continue to deserve the same respect as always. There is no excuse for being disrespected, so don't accept it.

Add new comment

Deployment Rule #6 - 1 is nothing compared to the next 60.

Print
PDF

Written by Administrator | 25 March 2013

1 is nothing compared to the next 60.

Yeah, it sucks that they're missing things. Holidays blow, birthdays are a bitch, and I'm going to go ahead and burst any hopeful bubble by saying it's not going to get any better for the next year.

There's nothing you can do about it. Crying won't make them come home & wishing won't make it better.

.....so make the best of it. Yeah, it sucks right now, but one year worth of big days is nothing compared tot he next 60 years of big days you're going to be able to spend together. In 10 years, you'll be sitting around the Christmas tree thinking about how lucky you are, and not reminiscing about how lonely you were that one year.

Spend time with family, get lost in decorating, make it big for the kids. Do what you can to make the most of your lonely days and keep it in perspective that this is not the norm and that in X months, you'll get your family back.

The situation isn't going to change, regardless of how you react to it, so you might as well react with a smile.

Add new comment

Deployment Rule #4 - Do not compare.

Print
PDF

Written by Administrator | 23 March 2013

Do not compare letters. Do not compare phone calls. Do not compare facebook posts. Do not compare skype time. Do not compare instant messages.

You are two unique people in a unique situation, which other people you know happen to be going through as well.

Every relationship has it's pits and peaks, and while someone may have gotten a call before you did, that doesn't mean that yours didn't want to call you, or couldn't call you.

Just because someone gets a sweet facebook post, doesn't mean that they're not at each other's throats when they're not using public displays of affection.

Take your phone calls for what they're worth. let the phone ringing be enough. Let the conversations be enough. Let the time you do get together, be enough.

Add new comment

Deployment Rule #2 - Attitude

Print
PDF

Written by Administrator | 23 March 2013

Your attitude is what's going to make or break this deployment for you.

Your thoughts and your attitude are the only things you can control for the next X months while your service member is away.

Your situation will not change. Your service member will be gone. You will miss them. You will go with limited contact for X amount of time.

It sucks, everyone knows that.

You can choose to dwell on it, crying yourself to sleep, obsessively checking your phone, getting upset seeing happy couples, complaining to anyone who will listen, and staying in because you feel guilty.

OR....you can choose to find the positive in the negative. You can be thankful that you have someone to miss and use this as a learning experience to be more emotionally independent, strengthen your relationships with your friends and family, spend some time getting to know yourself, and spend time getting out into the community keeping yourself busy, offering support, and enjoying your life because you have one.

Neither will change your situation, but will drastically change how you feel about it.

Add new comment

Deployment Rule #5 - Count up.

Print
PDF

Written by Administrator | 25 March 2013

Deployments suck, they go slower than slow, and sometimes seem to even go backwards. The entire goal of a deployment is to come home, and come home safe, so it's tempting to make a countdown. Whether it's Xing off days on a calendar, tearing off paper rings on a chain, etc.

But the bottom line is that you're never going to know when they're coming home until they're on the plane.

Don't submit yourself to disappointment when the homecoming date changes and you have to add more X's to your calendar or more paper circles on your chain.

Focus on what you have ACCOMPLISHED so far, and not what you have left to go through.

Count how many days you've made it through. Count how many months you've survived. Put a positive spin on it instead of dwelling on how much you have left.

Add new comment

Deployment Rule #3 - Fair is another world for carnival.

Print
PDF

Written by Administrator | 23 March 2013

Stop complaining and start accepting. This is the life you and your service member have chosen. Accept it, and don't act like the world owes you anything for it.

It sucks. And it's going to suck. And it won't stop sucking until it's over. The sooner you embrace that, the better.

Life isn't always going to rainbows and unicorns. Sometimes it's going to be crocs and shit stains. That goes for any couple, any occupation, anywhere.

Don't compare your life to civilian life. They have their own problems.

Don't wish for something you don't have, you might get it.

Just live the life you've been given and make the most out of every second of it. Every minute you waste sulking, is a minute you could have spent making yourself or your service member happy. 

Your life will directly reflect the effort you put into it. You decide whether that's positive or negative.

Add new comment

Deployment Rule #1 - Stick together.

Print
PDF

Written by Administrator | 23 March 2013

Deployments suck, whether you're a wife, fiance, girlfriend, mother, sister, brother, or best friend.

Don't make it a pissing contest. Your relationship isn't what make the deployment hard, the distance and the danger is. So don't alienate yourself of anyone else because they have a different relationship to a service member than you do.

Help them. Offer them an ear to listen. Give them a shoulder to cry on. Make sure that they don't feel alone, and in return, you won't feel alone.

Loving a service member is about teamwork. Your service member's safety relies on teamwork and YOUR sanity relies on it as well.

Build bridges, don't burn them.

Plus, no one likes that girl who thinks she's better than everyone. And if it's a contest about who has it worse, is that really something you want to be winning?

Add new comment

More Articles...